Whether it’s your first time ever or you’ve had a myriad of conquests, sleeping with someone for the first time can be nerve-racking.
You don’t yet know the ins-and outs of this person’s body.
How and where they like and don’t like to be touched, whether they prefer the lights on or off, or if they prefer women in neon pink body stockings.
We can’t stop you getting carried away in the moment and letting one rip, or teach him to effortlessly undo a bra.
What we can do is ask the questions you should be asking yourself before having sex.
Who are they?
If you’re hooking up with someone you’ve met at a bar or on Tinder, make sure you have their real name and contact info.
Even if you’re on the lookout for anonymous sex, and frankly don’t want to know their real name, think carefully about your decision – in terms of what this stranger is capable of, what diseases they could pass on to you, how you’re going to contact them if you get pregnant.
Be prepared for every eventuality, just for peace of mind.
If you want anonymous sex, opt for an event or club that caters to this clientele by vetting these people on your behalf, whilst also providing a safe space for you to do it.
Do you feel safe?
Listen to your gut. Meet in a public place, let someone know where you are and when you will return; have a plan of how to get home.
If they’re pressuring you, hold off and give it some further thought.
What is their relationship status?
Whether your potential sexual partner is single, in a monogamous relationship, married or something in between, find out – how you proceed is up to you, but you have the right to make an informed decision.
What is their sexual health like?
Are they free from infection? Can you trust them to tell the truth?
We personally make it a habit to visit the clinic with our latest partner.
How are you going to prevent pregnancy and STI transmissions?
Don’t rely on him to have condoms.
Even if you’re just going over for dinner, it’s good practice to prepare for any eventuality and carry protection with you, just in case.
If you’re a man, don’t just assume that she’s on the pill – ask before you get back to your place, so you can pick up condoms if necessary.
If your partner tries to wriggle out of wearing protection (‘I’m too big for condoms – aahh, classic) get yourself out of there sharpish.
What will sex mean for the relationship?
Although it can be awkward, it’s important to consider what having sex will mean for both you and the other person.
Although you’re looking for a casual hook-up, do they have intense feelings for you which may escalate with intimacy?
Do you expect your partner to stop seeing other people from this point on? Make sure you’re both on the same page.
What are their limits?
Do his toes curl at the thought of having them sucked, or does he suffer from Podophobia?
Does she like having her hair yanked, or does rough sex make her feel vulnerable?
Have an honest, upfront discussion when you’re both sober and not in the throes of passion.
Do you really want to have sex with this person?
It’s okay to change your mind in the taxi over to their place.
It’s okay to change your mind whilst you’re in a state of undress. Hell, it’s even okay to change your mind once you’re already at it.