Are you afraid of being tied up?
Are you afraid of being tied up?
With the popularity of the novel, 50 Shades of Grey and the fanfare over the movie of the same name, there’s no wonder that people are thinking about restraints!
In BDSM – (bondage domination and sado-masochism), restraining or being restrained is often the first ‘easy’ and ‘safe’ thing a couple will try.
You may well be afraid of being tied-up whilst your lover on the other hand is ready to experience that bondage idea and yes it’s quite normal to feel afraid of new and unknown things. Something as new as bondage can be a bit frightening.
By allowing someone to tie you up during sex, it gives your partner power and at the same time we are no longer responsible for anything except for how we respond to stimulation. Our lover is responsible for our satisfaction, deprivation, and safety. This can be a very scary thought! So before agreeing to be tied up during sex you must know and trust your partner.
BDSM is all about trust
None of the experiences within bondage, fetish or BDSM can be enjoyable if there is no trust. Being afraid that your partner will not stop when you want him to, will only make you more uncomfortable and will spoil the entire bondage session. So before starting lets work on those trust issues and come up with a safe word before trying any type of BDSM light or heavy.
But what exactly is a safe word? A safe word is a word that would never be said during any normal sexual situation. Elephant, crayon, television, or any number of everyday words can work wonderfully. Use your safe word if you reach a limit that you do not want to cross or if you just need a break to cope with your feelings.
By honouring your safe word, your partner will build your trust even more making for stronger experiences. If you can’t think of any particular word, try using the expression ‘safe word’.
Trust your partner
Remember that if you are willing to start trusting your partner, you are already beginning to open up and it can be exhilarating to allow someone else to be in control of the sexual situation. Bear in mind that being tied up doesn’t automatically mean that your partner will cause you pain or humiliate you. This is a theme that is often portrayed in BDSM erotica or movies and can give couples the wrong ideas. Your lover can use silk scarves, soft restraints, or even neckties to tie your hands gently to a head board or other item, a much softer approach.
Being dominated can be liberating and gentle.
This is sometimes referred to as dominate sensuality or submissive sensuality. There is no ‘heavy’ BDSM play, only a strong dominant and submissive nature in the normal sexual relationship. If this type of encounter appeals to you, tell your partner.
And remember that being uncomfortable with an act will stop the enjoyment in the sexual relationship which can cause the sex to stop. When this happens, there is often a breakdown of communication and then of the relationship in full.
Our final bondage tips
- You don’t have to submit to being tied up if you don’t want to.
- Refusing to entertain the idea or not talking about why you fear it is worse than anything.
- You don’t have to say “yes” to being tied up, but at least talk to your partner on the why’s and how’s.
- Perhaps your fears can be eased or your partner may just understand without pressuring you.
- Your fear may be based on being tied up and blindfolded (being blinded can be scary for many).
You will never know without communicating.
Start your bondage experience today!